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"Regret" by Nayana Sharma

Updated: Sep 15, 2021

I once feared the dark. The lack of sight terrified me. A good friend once told me that I should love and cherish it because one day, I might find the darkness to be my only friend. I can attest that it was the worst mistake of my life-- I dismissed her reasoning, thinking it to be folly. The times when all light was gone were cold, and the times where my older sister stood, have gone silent. I never knew what was around me because I was blind; I was blind to the beauty around me, the beauty of feeling, hearing, and breathing in my surroundings.


This, I now see, was foolish. The darkness is warm and comforting. What I didn’t know before was that I can see in the black darkness. Nobody knows about the beauty of imagination, of seeing wondrous things I both crave and dread. Beautiful and terrible demons dance around me, urging me to explore this new world.


Our parents told us to never go alone at night, that there are monsters that would hurt me. I never listened to them nor did they know anything-- darkness is everywhere, light was never my friend, I thrive for the night, the darkness is helping me cure my illness, but I think..I was wrong thinking this way.


I was wrong with everything-- the darkness, the night--they were right about the darkness, they were right about everything and I was wrong. I did something terrible...something that no one will forgive me if I tell them...I went into the forbidden forest and forced her along. . .I knew it was wrong.


I knew I shouldn"t have done that, I knew the stories about it. . .the monsters dressed as your greatest dreams and desires that lure young girls to kill the person standing between their wish.


I was wrong about everything. . .I knew that they would probably find me. . .find HER. . . I guess I was the foolish one, thinking that I could live among them, thinking that I could eat and do what people do...I thought that they would never find her, I thought that I hid the body well enough


But I was wrong. .I had to kill three guards yesterday so that they wouldn’t discover the body. One messenger came to the palace today reporting three deaths last night, telling them that they should be careful not to leave the home at night in the fear that the killer might still be around.


My parents are scared, they don't know, and it's so much fun for me, but I fear that they will find it, find her body and everything I did would be in vain. And if they find me, they will know. . .they will not live the same after, but it won't happen. . .I won’t allow that, I will kill everyone who stays between me and my plans.


They will never know, they are still searching for her, still hoping that the guards would find my sister. . .they will never find her, and they will never understand what happened.

They haven’t figured it out yet, and they won’t, they will never figure it out, that their youngest is dead. . .killed by something evil. . .something from hell.. she’s gone and reborn into something...something far worse than darkness. . . far worse than monsters. . .something. . .so terrifying that would make anyone go insane just by looking at it. . .and that's. . .the shadow that lives with them under their roof.


Imagine living with the creature, the monster that killed and took the form of their youngest.


But I have been pushed back into the sweeping arms of reality. Dark stains splatter the entirety of my arms, and my clothes are drenched in a cold sweat. She was sleeping quietly in the billowy comfort of her blankets, awaiting the next day of her coronation. My dear sister now lives deep within the forest, a smooth face mottled from the cracked soil, and silky hair tangled in the dried leaves.


My family is gone, my world is overtaken by what one might call evil -- a force that I cannot see. Shadows cover what once was a bright world. All light has dispersed, but I care not. The gloom is soft, cozy, and soothing. I live to serve it, as I will to my kingdom, I will continue surviving underneath its warm blanketing depths.


They say that romanticising evil is all fun and games until you wake up to the true sheer unfathomable horrors prevailing in this World. To the children who go "missing" in thousands, never to be found again, dead or alive, I’m sorry. Makes you wonder. If it doesn't, well, it should.


Evil is real. Think what you wish, speak what you may, but I say, take the red pill. The rabbit hole is darker than you can imagine, and deeper than you can dream.

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Written by volunteer Nayana Sharma

Date Published: 11/4/2020

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